Foreword
I felt very flattered when Alan asked me to write a few words as an introduction to this compilation of gags for the working performer.
I've known Alan for 20 years now and what really stands out is his enthusiasm and dedication to the art of entertaining. Alan has been a professional entertainer for over 30 years working cruise ships, pantomimes, summer seasons in major theatres and has many TV appearances to his credit.
I've seen the great reaction he gets from the material you are now in possession of. There is something old, something new, something borrowed but nothing blue.
The saying goes, “If you get just one gag or idea from a book you've got your moneys worth.” I got my moneys worth on the first page so the rest of the book is a bonus! There are no fillers in this collection, every gag has been tried and tested on all sorts of audiences. So whether you work holiday camps, social clubs, hotels or theatres you will find a host of great gags to use.
I'm really looking forward to volume two!
Gary Jones, Exeter.
Contents include:
• Openers
• Audience
• Laughter & Applause
• Loud Clothes
• Comings and Goings
• Names
• Hecklers
• Wives
• Those were the days
• Hotels/Holidays
• Questions & Answers
• Doctor
• One Liners
• Miscellaneous Gags
• The Tongs Gag
“Good evening, Exeter. (Or whatever town you are working). (Wait for audience response.) Good evening nice to see you. Here we are in Exeter so I thought I'd start by saying good evening Exeter. Last night I was in Bristol so I said to the audience, good evening Bristol. The day before that I was in Cardiff so I said good evening Cardiff. I made a mistake last week, I did a ladies night in Cowes!”
from “Openers”
“How much do you charge to haunt a house?”
“Remind me to quote for your parents wedding”
from “Hecklers”
“I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous”
“One of my brothers has just got struck off for making love to two of his patients. It's a pity because he was a good vet.”
from “One Liners”
It's good stuff that Viagra isn't it? You've gotta swallow it quick otherwise you get a stiff neck!... My Dad's on it you know... it stops him rolling out of bed! There's a new type of Viagra out now, its in eye droplet form, you put it in your eyes. Young lads use it, they think it makes them look hard!
from “Miscellaneous Gags”
THIS BOOK IS A MUST FOR ALL ENTERTAINERS!
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