Impersonator
1of the most novel CD releases guaranteed to turn a few heads. A twin CD
set featuring comedy & straight impressions. Features Victor Meldrew,
Margaret Thatcher, Rolf Harris, Ruby Wax, Sean Connery, Princes Diana &
many more. The celebrities provide dry drops of their catch phrases as well
as many novel lines & sketches to make your presentation truly unique.
There are limericks, rude section and a large section of jingle material.
Tracklisting
CD 1
1. DEMO - IMPERSONATOR IN USE.
This track gives an example of this disc's uses in related
sample sequences. [5:31]
COOL CUTS
The lines & samples from dance music, all as the character
would have said it .
2. Victor Meldrew. “Hey DJ where's the bloody bass?” [:04]
3. Margaret Thatcher. “We're gonna do a song that you've
never heard before”. [:10]
4. Michael Caine. “Dance while the record spins”. [:04]
5. The Queen. “I think I'd better dance now.” [:04]
6. Arkwright. “Pump up the volume”. [:06]
7. Vincent Price. “Bass, how low can you go?” [:05]
8. The Queen. “Let it roll, get bold”. [:05]
9. Marilyn Monroe. “Feel the beat, c'mon”. [:06]
10. Winston Churchill. “Boom boom boom, let me hear you say Whayo!”
[:07]
11. Mystic Meg. “Take your mind to another dimension”. [:08]
12. Marilyn Monroe. “Let's do it”. [:04]
13. Roger Moore. “Everybody Shake your body”. [:04]
14. Jerry Hall . “Why don't you move damn it”. [:04]
15. David Attenborough. “Booyakka, booyakka”. [:04]
16. Lloyd Grossman. “OK Party people in the house”. [:04]
17. Dolly Parton. “How d'y'all feel out there”.
[:04]
18. Ian Paisley. “Back once again the renegade master power to the
people”. [:05]
19. Alf Garnett. “Brothers & sisters..” [:04]
20. Jack Nicolson.”We gonna get you”.[:13]
21. Dolly Parton. “Can I get some funky bass”. [:04]
22. David Attenborough. “Once again, back is the incredible”.
[:04]
23. Margaret Thatcher. “Get down & party”. [:06]
24. Humphrey Bogart. “Get out on this dance floor”. [:05]
25. Pamela Anderson. “I wanna rock right now”! [:04]
26. Parker - Thunderbirds. “Get down & party”.[:04]
27.Bianca.”Take it to the bridge will ya”.[:06]
28.Pamela Anderson.”Rock da house”.[:04]
29. Terry Wogan. “This song is not a rebel song”.[:04]
30. Marilyn Monroe. “Mmm... got a hot one for you”. [:04]
31. Princess Diana. “I like to move it, move it”. [:04]
32. Margi Clarke. “Hey girls, how do they do that?” [:05]
33. Hannibal Lector. “Here comes the hotstepper”. [:07]
34. Margaret Thatcher. “I won't stop rocking until the last
sucker drops”. [:05]
35. John Wayne. “Dance, you got the chance”. [:05]
36. Betty Boothroyd. “Order! Everybody in the house, rock the party”.
[:07]
37. Frank Spencer. “Oohh wicked”! [:04]
38. Fergie. “How y'all feel out there?” [:05]
39. David Bellamy. “Underground is where we wanna go movin'
house the crowd”. [:05]
40. Tommy Cooper. “Get raw with the fever on the dance floor”.
[:05]
A CAPELLA RAPS
The lines of songs new & old that are timeless & remembered
by all.
41. Princess Diana. 'I will survive'.[:14]
42. Del Boy & Grandad. 'She's got that vibe'. [:20]
43. Claire Rayner. 'Always look on the bright side of life.'
[:15]
44. Tommy Cooper. 'Do you love me'. [:11]
45.Barry Norman.'Dub be good to me'.[:08]
46. Zippy - Rainbow. 'Vogue'. [:12]
47. Hyacinth Bucket.'Back to the 60's'.[:17]
48. Muppet. 'Whoomp (there It Is).' @130 BPM. [:15]
49. Princess Diana.'Cottoned eyed Joe.' [:15]
50. Edina- Ab Fab. 'White lines'. [:29]
51. Joan Rivers. 'Staying alive'. [:18]
52. Patrick Moore. 'Timewarp rap.' @ 124 BPM. [:19]
CLASSIC CLICHE'S
Stars & celebrity's with the lines that made them
famous.
53. Victor Meldrew. “I don't believe it”! [:04]
54. Inspector Cleauseau. “This is Chief Inspector Cleauseau of the
law.” [:04]
55. Joan Rivers.”Oh what a bow wow”. [:11]
56. Sean Connery. “Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred”. [:04]
57. Marlon Brando. “This is not personal, it's strictly business”.
[:04]
58. Windsor Davies. “Shuut Uppp”! [:04]
59. Margaret Thatcher. “There will be no U turn in policy. There
is no alternative”. [:09]
60. Hyacynth Bucket. “It's Bucket. B.U.C.K.E.T.” [:04]
61. Tommy Cooper. “Just like that, ahaahaH”. [:04]
62. Michael Caine. “Not a lot of people know that”. [:04]
63. Jimmy Saville. “Now then, how's about that then. Let's
see if we can fix it for you”. [:05]
64. The Queen. “One is not amused”. [:04]
65. Joan Rivers. “Oh oh listen can we talk?”[:05]
66. Lloyd Grossman. “But who would live in a house like this?”
[:05]
67. John Cleese. “Right that's it if you don't start
this time I'm gonna give you a damn good thrashing.” [:05]
68. Humphrey Bogart. “Out of all the bars, in all the world, &
in all of town, you have to walk into mine, play it again Sam.”
[:30]
69. Michael Caine. “Don't worry lads, I've got an idea.
You're only 's'posed to blow the bloody doors off!”
[:10]
70. Mae West. “Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just pleased
to see me?” [:05]
71. Jim Bowen. “Super, smashing, lovely, great, come & have
a look at what you would have won”. [:06]
72. Winston Churchill. “Never in the field of human conflict, has
so much been owed by so many to so few”. [:09]
73. Harold Steptoe.”You dirty old man”.[:04]
74. Clarke Gable. “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn”.
[:05]
75. Cilla Black. “Surprise surprise. What a lorra lorra fun”.
[:06]
76. Mae West. “Why don't you come up & see me sometime”.
[:04]
77. Windsor Davies. “You is a bunch of poofs”! [:04]
78. Hyacynth Bucket. “The Bucket residence. The lady of the house
speaking”. [:10]
RUDE INSERTS
Contains material of an adult nature.
79. Arkwright. “We don't need your type round here so just
fffff...piss off”. [:09]
80. Ronald Reagan. “I believe in talking straight, fuck off you
Russian wankers”. [:06]
81. Victor Meldrew. “My God man, will you please shut up (aside)
tut! Wanker”! :05]
82. Prince Charles. “Basically my wife is a right royal slag”.
[:04]
83. Italian. “You come over to my country you drink my wine, you
eat my food, I fuck your wife”. [:06]
84. Arkwright. “Well, you know you make me wanna sh sh sh sh sh...oh
shit”. [:08]
85. Jim Bowen “Who gives a shit who the fuck Alice is?” [:04]
86. The Queen. “One is rather pissed off”. [:12]
87. Ronald Reagan. “Err, err, Nancy, I don't think you're
supposed to blow”! [:15]
88. Michael Caine. “Don't point that fucking spear at me”.
[:18]
89. Arkwright. “I bet she's a good f f f f f friend to somebody
....long pause... (un-stuttered) good fuck too”. [:10]
90. Prince Charles. “Erh, err, uhm, errr, wanker”. [:09]
91. Jack Nicolson. “Ain't I the fucking asshole”. [:04]
92. Rude Limerick “Sammy the Slammer, had a terrible stammer bad
breath & a terrible cough, when he asked the DJ for a record to play
the DJ replied f.f.f.f.f.fuck off”. [:13]
RUDE JOKES & SKETCHES
A brief selection of humour
93. Lady Penelope & Parker. “Parker?” “Yes, M'Lady.”
“Shut the fuck Up, Parker.” “Yes, M'Lady”.
[:13]
94. Cilla Black. “Well John, you've turned down No1, the lovely
Susan from Dorset, who's a model for Anne Summers, what a shame.”
“Well Johnny boy we could have had a steaming time.” “&
you also turned down No3, that's our Maria, the air hostess from Bedfordshire.”
“Missed the chance to ride high with me.” “Johnny'
oh but John, here she is, the girl you choose, it's No2, that's
our Samantha, the brain surgeon from Cheshire.” “Hello.”
“Oh Chuck!” [:51]
95. Marcel Marceau. 'Wild orgy with 3 bi-sexual sado-masochist, nymphomaniacs'.
[:20]
96. David Attenborough / Windsor Davies. David Attenborough in a whispered
voice “Watching this modern suburban night club we try as hard as
possible to keep quiet. We can just catch a glimpse of that most unusual
of species, the Doormanus Smartsuiticus &.....if we listen very carefully,
you can just make out this unique communication technique...” “This
room is full of poofta's, & I'm not having it Lady boy.”
“Can you say poofta's these days?” [:40]
97. Patrick Moore. Announcer - “& now on BBC2, course 7354 of
the Open University course of applied astronomy”. Patrick Moore -
“The crossing of Venus & Pluto is very significant because this
surely means that an equinox will be apparent if viewed 10 degrees to the
left latitude of Uranus.” Record scratch Irish VO “Fuck off”.
[:29]
98. Clint Eastwood. “This is a Magnum 44, the most powerful hand gun
in the world, & this is a white chocolate Magnum, the best ice cream
in the world ... probably”. [:14]
99. Alan Wicker. “When you come out for a drink, there are certain
benefits to be had here. Not only can you buy your drinks on your Barclaycard,
but the barmaids accept it for, shall we say, personal services. Barclaycard,
don't get laid without it”. [:19] CD 2
CLASSIC SONG INTRO LINES
The 1st lines to classic songs performed by a particularly suitable
character.
1. Windsor Davies. “I'm the leader of the gang”. [:04]
2. David Attenborough. “Do wah diddy”. [:05]
3. Arkwright. “Shout”. [:08]
4. Princess Diana. “Wiggle it, just a little bit”. [:05]
5. Queen. “Oops upside your head”. [:08]
6. Boycey. “I'm too sexy for my love”. [:09]
7. Alan Wicker. “Blame it on the boogie”.
[:04]
8. Margi Clarke. “Don't stop till you get enough”. [:05]
9. Vincent Price. “Let's twist again”. [:05]
COMEDY LIMERICK INSERTS
A selection that can break the ice.
10. Prince Charles. “They say my Diana's a little raver, &
a rugby man did, well, make her quaver, she told me in haste that he was
not to her taste, but darling, Carling's brewed for a fuller flavour”.
[:25]
11. The Queen. “Through recent events, my family have split, we
married them off, but they just didn't fit, we gave each of them
loot which ended up down the shoot, & now to be honest, they make
me quite sick... bloody difficult these limericks”. [:20]
12. Victor Meldrew. “How is this infernal racket a hit? I really
can't stand it one bit! Every track sounds alike, so gimme that
mic and I'll say I don't believe it!” [:19]
13. Ringo Starr. “Gordon said to Thomas the Tank, 'Thomas
my boy, can I be frank?' When you roll over for the Fat Controller,
you look like you're having a ... jolly good time”. [:18]
14. Roger Moore. “Miss Money Penny I've heard, that you're
not very easily petered, though I'm licensed to kill & what
you're doing's a thrill I like mine shaken not stirred”.
[:16]
REGIONAL ACCENTS
15. Ye Olde English. “Once more unto the breech dear friends”
.MVO [:04]
16. Sexy French Female. “Listen very carefully, I shall say this
only once. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?” [:09]
17. Welsh Male. “Hello how you going boyo? It's good here
enit?” [:04]
18. Irish Male. “Top of the mornin' to ya! Be Jesus, Mary
& Joseph, will you look at that!” [:07]
19. Scottish Female. “There's plenty more where that came
from”. [:04]
20. Scottish Male. “I know this machine like the back of my hand
captain..” SFX bang crash wallop [:05]
21. West Country “I can't read & I can't write but
that don't really matter, 'cause I come from the west country
& I can drive a tractor”. [:14]
22. Geordie. “Whyeye man, where you going now?” [:04]
23. Brummie. “All right there mate, we wanna be together”.
[:04]
TROUGH THE NIGHT SITUATIONS
A wealth of material for events that occur throughout a typical gig.
Start of the Night
Idents to introduce the start of the night.
24. Inspector Cleaseau “Welcome to tonight's entertainment,
on behalf of your disc jockey person, I would like to wish that you all
have a good time, I shall personally ensure myself that everything runs
according to plan just as long as I can keep Kato under control”.
“Hello Kato here”. “Not now Kato you fool not now!”
SFX bangs, crashes “Oh well I shall have to clean up all this mess,
whilst the disc jockey person carries on, now come here Kato, come here”.
[:39]
25. Doctor Ruth. “This is my sex phone in show”. [:12]
26. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty.
“Okay, If everyone can keep off the dance floor please, yes... thank
you. We're not ready to start, but when we are, we'll let you
know, all right. So if you can just contain yourself a little while longer.
We do have lavatorial facilities if you need to believe your excitement
prior to the official opening of the dance floor. Thank you”. [:16]
27. Cilla Black. “Yes you thought you were coming to some other function,
but tonight is your party, surprise surprise”. [:10]
28. Humprey Bogart. “Out of all the parties, in all of town &
all the world, you have to walk into mine, play it again Sam”. [:08]
29. Ruby Wax. “Welcome to my show”. [:04]
30. John Anderson. “Are you ready....3, 2, 1”. [:08]
31. Doctor Ruth. “This show is all about having an orgasm”.
[:14]
32. Sean Connery. “Q warned me there could be trouble, but I was expecting
a box of tricks, not a room full of pricks”. [:05]
33. Mystic Meg. “This week I predict you will be entertained by a
man. He will be an expert in modern music, as well as having a good knowledge
of party hits from years gone by. He will be the type who aims to entertain
all his audience, & I predict that tonight will be an outstanding success”.
[:10]
34. Jim Bowen. “Let's check out tonight's music on Bully's
Prize Board.
In 1 - that's the 1960's,
In 2 - that's alternative dance,
In 3 - it's rock & roll from the 50's,
In 4 - that's current charts & dance,
In 5 - it's the 1980's,
In 6 - It's classic disco & dance,
In 7 - It's the smoochy selection,
In 8 - It's the party section & Bully's star prize, Brotherhood
of Man's greatest hits”. [:37]
VOLUME PROBLEMS
When you need a track to defend your opinion on the volume level.
35. Basil Fawlty. “All right Sybil, yes okay Sybil, heard you the
first time, yes I'll turn it down, (aside)you miserable old boot”.
[:07]
36. Basil Fawlty. “What do you mean it's too loud & noisy?
Any quieter & we'll have to do the disco in sign language”.
[:05]
37. John Wayne. “Turn it down, the hell I will”. [:15]
38. Margaret Thatcher. “I know some people would like to listen
to a different type of music, or have it a little quieter but I have to
say there really is no alternative”. [:13]
39. Betty Boothroyd. “Order! Order! Will the right honourable gentlemen
shut the hell up”!
[:10]
REQUEST SITUATIONS
Initiations for a request, &the replies if you didn't
want any!
40. John Wayne. “Requests? The hell I will”.
[:12]
41. Joan Rivers. “Listen there's no need to be shy, simply
come up & ask for a request, we can talk”. [:08]
42. Arkwright. “If you're going to ask for requests, please
speak slowly & clearly”. [:07]
THE END OF THE NIGHT
Finish in style & be remembered.
43. Basil & Sybil Fawlty. Conversational closer. [:47]
44. Clint Eastwood. “Are you feeling lucky punk? I know what you're
thinking, have I played 5 or have I played 6? Well in all the confusion,
I've lost count myself. So what's it gonna be, the end, or
1 last record?” [:18]
45. The Queen. “God bless you all”. [:04]
46. Poison Pierce. “OK let's be having you, it's 1 minute
past, so let's have you out now as quickly as possible, please.
Don't worry about your personal belongings, you haven't time
for that, just make your way to the nearest available exit in an orderly
manner. Some of us have a designated time to finish our shift & leave
you know”. [:22]
47. Victor Meldrew. “For goodness sake, haven't you people
got
homes to go to?”[:04]
48. Julian Clary. “Well I'd like to thank you all for coming
tonight. You can collect a tissue on the way out”. [:19]
49. John Wayne. “The party's over, saddle up the old nag &
ride her home”. [:12]
LINKS & BRIDGES
Limitless applications
50. Windsor Davies. “Get out of your seat, & get with the beat.
Was that okay for all them there pooftas?” [:05]
51. Victor Meldrew. “My God man just play the damn song”.
[:05]
52. Nana Mouskouri. “Hello, this is Banano Mousaka here & I
would like to sing for you, a traditional Greek folk song”. [:12]
53. Ronald Reagan. “You ain't seen nothing yet”. [:11]
54. Windsor Davies.”Will you lot get a move on, we haven't
got all night you know”! [:10]
55. Princess Diana. “Hello Squidgy here”. [:13]
56. The Queen. “Another anus horriblus”. [:04]
57. Dennis Norden. “Just look at this, when a seemingly normal situation,
turns out to be an utter fiasco”. [:09]
58. Mary Whitehouse. “I'm not sure if we really want our children,
our future generations, listening to these vulgar lyrics, & I shall
be writing to the BBC to express my concern”. [:12]
59. Julian Clary. “That's a very sticky moment if I'm
not very much mistaken.” [:05]
60. Tuff Cop. “There must be a 100 reasons why I shouldn't
play this next record, but right now I can't think of any”.
[:13]
61. Victor Meldrew. “Oh well I suppose you'd better get on
with it”. [:04]
62. Tommy Cooper. “This DJ's great, aha aha, he grates on
your nerves”. [:10]
63. Jim Bowen. “You've landed in music, that categories already
gone, but never mind. We all like music, & does anyone really like
darts anyway, so let's play it again”. [:09]
64. Victor Meldrew. “For goodness sake. Oasis? Pulp? Blur? Any bloody
excuse not to tuck your shirt in”. [:10]
65. Sean Connery. “On Her Majesty's Service & Licensed
to Thrill”. [:18]
66. Cher. “I'd like to share this with you. You know a lot
of people think I'm made of plastic, but I don't make that
much money from my records. Oh, you thought I was going to talk about
surgery, you must be kidding”! [:13]
67. Tommy Cooper. “Aha aha, I'm laughing 'cos I know
what coming next” [:07]
68. Janet Street Porter. “I'd just like to say that this show
is a load of old rubbish”. [:06]
69. Margi Clarke. “Ah girls, now if you're looking to improve
your sex life then listen to this.” [:06]
70. Mary Whitehouse. “What is missing here is basic moral values.
It should have been cut out by the British Board of Censors”! [:13]
71. Mary Whitehouse. “The 9 o'clock watershed complaint”.
[:08]
72. Dennis Norden. “If you are one of those people who enjoys perverse
entertainment, then listen to this”. [:07]
73. Mexican Female. “Hey Speedy Gonzales, keep on playing those
fast records”. [:08]
OCCASIONS
Tracks referring to a selection of occasions
74. Marlon Brando. “Please be silent & show some respect to
a member of the family who wishes to speak”. [:32]
75. Rolf Harris. “Here comes the bride, big fat & wide, here
comes the groom as skinny as a broom”. [:09]
76. Roger Moore. “My Lords, Ladies & Gentlemen, your attention
please. May we please have quiet for the official toast”. [:14]
77. Victor Meldrew. “Happy retirement, for goodness sake, I don't
know why they call it happy, there's nothing happy about it if you
ask me. Damn miserable I've found it in fact”. [:17]
BIRTHDAYS
78. Marilyn Monroe. 'Happy birthday to tou'. Sung
[:21]
79. Tommy Cooper. “They've asked me to wish you a happy birthday
& well..I just did...aha aha”. [:06]
80. Marilyn Monroe. “Hey birthday boy”.[:05]
81. Vincent Price. “There are important special birthdays 16, 18,
21 & 40. But my favourite occasion is the only one that's guaranteed,
ha ha ha ha ha”. [:15]
82. Alf Garnett. “Here we are at another birthday party then. It
seems he has 1 every bleeding year”. [:12]
83. Frank Spencer. “It would be a fair assessment to say that I
made a few mistakes in my time, but then, don't we all? By the way
your parents wish you a happy birthday”. [:20]
CALM DOWN
To ease any difficult situation.
84. Marlon Brando. “I understand that you wish to enjoy yourselves,
& I am a reasonable man, but please show some respect for others, I
don't want to have to deal with this myself..... I trust we have an
understanding”. [:16]
85. Betty Boothroyd. “Order! Order in the house”. [:05]
LAST ORDERS
The bar's gonna close!
86. Margaret Thatcher. “With proper Conservatism in power, the British
public would now be able to drink for 24 hrs a day, & I'm afraid
to say that until this load of baloney is stopped & yes this is another
failing of One Nation Conservatism, it is unfortunate, but a fact, that
it is, last orders at the bar now”. [:37]
87. Mystic Meg. “As I gaze into my Crystal ball I predict that in
a short while the bar will be closing”. [:21]
MALE INSERTS
Idents & put-downs
88. Jim Bowen. “You might score well tonight lads, but if you don't
we'll give you your BFH, that's your bus fare home”.
[:05]
89. Basil Fawlty. “Look at him eh, he's drunk already. If
he can't control his drink, then he shouldn't be allowed to
drink at all. If it was up to me I wouldn't let them drink until
they were 25 you know. A bit more responsible at that age. I think he
should leave, yes you come on. You've had more than enough. It's
time you went home. Come on..out. Yes leave,now”. [:15]
90. Dennis Norden. “He's wobbling, he's all over the
place, the last few hours have really taken their toll on him, I think
he's going, he is, he's down, but what a remarkable effort”.
[:19]
THE BUFFET BREAK
For use when the food is ready.
91. Edwina Currie. “Okay I know it's buffet time, but what
my colleagues do not remember is that they should avoid the egg vol au
vonts as it is fair to say that most of the egg production is infected
with salmonella. Oh yes & avoid the beef as there is a major scare
with mad cow disease, & don't touch any lamb, we cannot be sure
that the effects of Chenolbol have been fully cleared. While we on the
subject of food, how can you be sure that the prawns are fully cooked,
or that the chicken is bacteria free, oh & avoid the cheese, it has
too much saturated fat. Watch the sausages as well, they may have glass
splinters from the animal liberation front. In fact if you want to be
safe, I wouldn't eat anything at all, & don't drink too
much alcohol either, bad for the liver you know”. [:56]
92. Lloyd Grossman / Worzel Gummidge. “& now to my favourite
part of the evening, to taste some fantastic culinary delights. Please
join me as we make our way to the buffet table to serve yourselves”
“I'd love a cup of tea & a slice of cake”. [:09]
SITUATION COMMENTARY
Some typically sarcastic commentary
93. Lloyd Grossman. “& who would dance in a place like this
a bit of a dump if you ask me”. [:06]
94. Windsor Davies. “If you do get into the jungle, you ought to
pray that I was not there 1st, because deep bass & fast beats make
my finger twitch on my rifle”. [:11]
95. Victor Meldrew. “I don't believe it, another pint of bloody
beer has nested on top of my speakers. Have people any idea how much they
cost..I mean”. [:11]
THEMED NIGHTS
96. Joan Rivers. “I just love under 18's they're
so much more adventurous.” [:07]
THE SMOOCHY SECTION
For slowing down the tempo.
97. Marilyn Monroe. “Hey slow down, what's your hurry, let's
unwind together with a little smooth number”. [:10]
98. Marilyn Monroe. “I'm sorry if it goes quiet after the
next record, but I've just got to make love to this gorgeous DJ”.
[:12]
BITS & PIECES
99. Who is it? A Bits & Pieces' competition.
1. Victor Meldrew 2. Maggie Thatcher
3. Worzel Gummidge 4. Claire Rayner
5. Vincent Price 6. Margi Clarke
7. Windsor Davies 8. Marilyn Monroe
9. John Wayne 10. Dr. Ruth.
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