Why Ultimate Discs?
Ultimate discs exist to make a DJ's life easier and their
presentation a whole lot better. When we say DJ, you can read Mixer, Karaoke
Jock, Radio Presenter, basically anyone who presents music in one form
or another. Ultimate's discs are so varied in their content that
there is something for everyone, and the range is constantly expanding.
The can be used by Mobile DJs, Bedroom Mixers, Fun Pub DJs, Studios, Remixers,
Radio Stations, and Club Jocks.
Ultimate Discs - are they good value?
Because of the care taken in creating Ultimate Discs, they do
not go out of date. They will be used for many years after initial purchase.
Furthermore, with an average of 150 tracks on the discs, the cost of each
track is only about 14p.
Who
creates Ultimate's CDs?
Unlike most other companies, Ultimate write, record, produce,
release, and distribute 99% of the material on the discs. Because of this,
it is the world's biggest collection of material written specially
for DJs by DJs. From concept to final disc, every aspect of use is thought
through.
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Just
what exactly is a jingle?
'Jingle'
- is this one of the most misunderstood words in DJ circles? We've
tried over many years to think of a better way to describe what we do, but
there's not really a generic term that suits it any better. Hot Drops,
Dance Inserts, Toolkits, Presenter Series, Sample Kits, Power Songs, - you
name it, we've probably thought of it. Come to think of it, we've
probably released it! We use the term jingle to describe a track that is
used by DJs away from their main music programming, usually for increased
impact and professionalism.
What
will Ultimate discs do for me?
Ultimate discs enhance your presentation, give you access to essential
material, and add that final 'polish' to your performance. They
give you the edge that makes audiences notice, and make you look even more
professional.
What's on Ultimate discs?
From 6 minute song medleys, to a 1 second sound effect, the variation
is enormous. Here's just a brief overview of what to expect: Full
Production Show Openers and Closers; Songs; Hot Drops & Inserts; Power
Sung Jingles; Year checks and Chart Positions; Dance Drops; Comedy Inserts,
Impressions, and Sketches.
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PRO USE vol. 8 - JINGLES 1999
A COMPLETE SET OF JINGLES TO TAKE A PROFESSIONAL DJ UP TO THE MILLENNIUM.
SOME VERY SPECIAL GUEST VOICES NOT PREVIOUSLY ON ULTIMATE DISCS, INCLUDING
THE LOVELY DANI BEHR. 2 YEARS WORTH OF IDEAS HAVE BEEN PUT INTO NEW DYNAMIC
SHOW OPENERS & CLOSERS, STINGS, DROPS & MUSIC BEDS.
15 NEW OPENERS
5 NEW SHOW CLOSERS
DANCE DROPS
COMEDY INSERTS
DEEP MALE VOICEOVERS
IMPERSONATOR SECTION
YEARCHECKS TILL 1999
SEXY FEMALE VOICES
WITH THEMES AS DIVERSE AS THE X-FILES, MUPPET SHOW, LOONEY TUNES,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE. THIS DISC IS A SUPERB ADDITION TO ANY DJS COLLECTION.
TRACKLISTING
SHOW OPENERS
OFTEN THE MOST POPULAR OF ALL JINGLES. RANGING FROM THE SIMPLE
QUICK INSERT TO COMPREHENSIVE PRODUCTIONS & SUNG LINES. SOME BRILLIANT
THEMES WHICH WILL ENSURE YOU KICK OF YOUR SHOW IN A TRULY MEMORABLE FASHION.
1. X-FILES STYLE.
ATMOSPHERIC VO BASED ON THE X FILES THEME.
“THE RUMOURS HAVE BEEN ROUND FOR A LONG TIME, GOVERNMENT AGENCIES
HAVE ATTEMPTED TO COVER UP, BUT TONIGHT A FORCE THAT IS UNSTOPPABLE IS
ABOUT TO HIT THIS CITY TRUST NO ONE, DENY EVERYTHING & OBEY YOUR INSTINCT.
THE SEARCH GOES ON THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE, BUT THE PARTY IS HERE.”
[:45]
2. STAR WARS.
A RE-CREATION OF ONE OF THE CLASSIC STAR WARS SCENE SCRIPTED FOR DJ USE.
“DON'T WORRY LUKE LEAVE THIS TO ME”. “LET ME SEE
YOUR IDENTIFICATION”. “YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE HIS IDENTIFICATION”.
“WE DON'T NEED TO SEE HIS IDENTIFICATION”. “THIS
IS NOT THE DJ YOU ARE LOOKING FOR”. “THIS IS NOT THE DJ WE'RE
LOOKING FOR”. “HE CAN GO ABOUT HIS BUSINESS”. “YOU
CAN GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS”. “MOVE ALONG”. “MOVE
ALONG, MOVE ALONG.” [1:10]
3. THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
NARRATED WITH A TWILIGHT ZONE VIBE.
“THERE IS A 5TH DIMENSION BEYOND THAT WHICH IS KNOWN TO MAN IT IS
A DIMENSION AS VAST AS SPACE ITSELF, & AS TIMELESS AS INFINITY IT
IS THE MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN LIGHT & SHADOW, BETWEEN SCIENCE &
SUPERSTITION & IT LIES BETWEEN THE PIT OF MANS FEARS & THE SUMMIT
OF HIS KNOWLEDGE. THIS IS THE DIMENSION OF IMAGINATION, IT IS AN AREA
THAT WE CALL THE PARTY ZONE”. [:34]
4. WAR OF THE WORLDS.
THE CLASSIC INTRO RE-SCRIPTED FOR DJ USE WITH ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC, PERFECT
LEAD INTO 'EVE OF THE WAR' AS A LIGHT SHOW OR TO START ANY
NIGHT.
“NO ONE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED THAT IN THE LAST YEARS OF THE 20TH CENTURY,
THAT MUSICAL AFFAIRS WERE BEING LISTENED TO FROM THE TINIEST WORLDS OF
SPACE. NONE COULD HAVE DREAMED THAT WE WERE BEING SCRUTINIZED AS SOMEONE
WITH A MICROSCOPE STUDIES CREATURES THAT SWARM & MULTIPLY IN A DROP
OF WATER. FEW MEN EVEN CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY OF MUSICAL ENJOYMENT
ON OTHER PLANETS, & YET, ACROSS THE GULF OF SPACE, MINDS IMMEASURABLY
SUPERIOR TO OURS REGARDED THIS EARTH & IT'S MUSICAL TREASURES
WITH ENVIOUS EYES. OUR ONLY SALVATION WAS OUR ONLY WEAPON, WITH MUSIC
WE CAN FIGHT THEM AS THEY SLOWLY & SURELY DRAW THEIR PLANS AGAINST
US”.[:58]
5. MEET THE GANG SONG
THE “IT AIN'T ARF HOT MOM” OPENING SONG WITH NEW WORDS
& WINDSOR DAIVIES SHOUTING “SHUT UPPPPPP!”
“MEET THE GANG, COS THE BOYS ARE HERE, THE BOYS TO ENTERTAIN YOU,
WITH MUSIC & LIGHTING TO GET YOU ON YOUR WAY, ALL THE BEST MUSIC
WE WILL PLAY, PLAY, PLAY. WITH OLDIES & NEWIES, THE BEST FROM THE
CHARTS, HIT AFTER HIT STRAIGHT AFTER WE START, MEET THE GANG, 'COS
THE BOYS ARE HERE, THE BOYS TO ENTERTAIN YOU. B-O, B-O-Y-S, BOYS TO ENTERTAIN
YOU”. [:41]
6. QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
A TONGUE IN CHEEK BLAST AT POOR DJ'S UTILIZING THE 'BENNY
HILL' THEME & A DJ WITH 'ATTITUDE'!
“HEY WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT SUPPLIED BY DISCOUNT
DJ AGENCY, ALL OUR DJ'S ARE POLITE 'OI YOU, SHIFT!'
THEY USE THE LATEST AUDIO EQUIPMENT 'LISTEN MATE, IF IT AIN'T
ON 78, I AIN'T GOT IT, RIGHT!' CARRY THE MOST UP TO DATE LIGHTING,
'DO THEY WHAT? FLASH? WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FRUIT MACHINE'.
& ALL DISCOUNT DJ'S DRESS TO PLEASE 'JEANS ARE VERY VERSATILE
YOU KNOW'. DISCOUNT DJ'S [ANNOUNCER VO], UNFORTUNATELY THE
DISCOUNT DJ AGENCY MAN DIDN'T TURN UP TONIGHT SO YOU'LL HAVE
TO PUT UP WITH THIS OTHER SHOW.” [:36]
7. SAMPLE MONTAGE DANCE OPENER.
A BEAT BACKING WITH RAPID FIRE SAMPLES OVER THE TOP. [:16]
8. MUPPETS SHOW.
THE IMMORTAL MUPPET SHOW OPENING THEME RE-SCRIPTED FOR DISCO USE.
“IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC, IT'S TIME TO LIGHT THE
LIGHTS, IT'S TIME TO GET THINGS STARTED AT THE DISCOTHEQUE TONIGHT.
IT'S TIME TO GET UP DANCING, IT'S TIME TO SHOW DELIGHT, IT'S
TIME TO HAVE A GREAT TIME, AT THE DISCOTHEQUE TONIGHT. TO INTRODUCE OUR
GUEST STAR, THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE TO DO, SO IT REALLY MAKE
ME HAPPY TO INTRODUCE TO YOU ... THE DJ. IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC,
IT'S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS, IT'S TIME TO GET THINGS STARTED.
'WHY DON'T YOU GET THINGS STARTED?' IT'S TIME
TO GET THINGS STARTED AT THE MOST SENSATIONAL, INSPIRATIONAL, EDUCATIONAL,
MOTIVATIONAL, THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL THE DISCOTHEQUE”. [1:00]
9. POWER ON , DECKS ON, OPENER.
A GREAT BUILD UP OPENER WITH SCI-FI SFX.
“POWER ON, DECKS ON, AMPLIFIERS ON, LIGHT SHOW PROGRAMMED, ALL SYSTEMS
STANDING BY, LADIES & GENTLEMEN, WE ARE ON LINE. PLEASE PREPARE YOURSELVES
FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME... WELCOME”. [:42]
10. MASTERMIND THEME.
THE LONG RUNNING QUIZ SHOW REDONE TO EMULATE A SPECIALISED SUBJECT IN
MUSIC.
“YOUR CHOSEN SUBJECT IS MUSIC YOU HAVE HOURS IN WHICH TO PLAY CLASSIC
TUNES ON YOUR CHOSEN SUBJECT & YOUR TIME STARTS NOW.....” [:14]
11. ROAD SHOW STYLE.
DRUM ROLL LEADING TO A RADIO 1 ROAD SHOW STYLE VO.
“& NOW LIVE, DIRECT & BEFORE YOU PLEASE WELCOME YOUR DJ.”
[:26]
12. JAMES BOND OPENER.
THE ORIGINAL BOND THEME WITH SEAN CONNERY (IMP) INTRODUCING THE ARTIST.
“PREPARE TO BE SHAKEN & STIRRED BY ONE OF HER MAJESTY'S
FINEST AMBASSADORS, & BE WARNED HE'S LICENSED TO THRILL”.
[:29]
13. FOOTBALL STOMP SHOW OPENER.
A MASSIVE STOMP BACKING WITH A COMMENTATOR VO. GREAT FOR SPORTS NIGHTS.
“WE'RE HEADING FOR A GOOD TIME, THE BARS OPENING UP, WHAT
A WONDERFUL PIECE OF MUSIC SELECTION, JUST LOOK AT THE CLASSICS HE'S
GONNA PLAY, THIS HAS ALL THE MAKINGS OF A GREAT NIGHT AND WITH THE BEST
MAN IN TOWN TO SPIN THE TUNES THERE CAN ONLY BE ON ENDING ..... GOAL!!!!!!!!”
[:25]
14. NASA STYLE COUNTDOWN.
A COUNTDOWN BASED ON A LAUNCH, SIMPLE & EFFECTIVE.
VO1 - “STANDBY CONTROL, WE HAVE A GO
SITUATION”.
VO2 - “10, 9, 8, 7”.
VO1 - “WE HAVE IGNITION”.
VO2 - “6, 5, 4.”
VO1 - “ENGINES ARE GO”.
VO2 - “3, 2, 1, ZERO”.
VO1 - “WE HAVE LIFT OFF”. [:35]
15. PATHE' PRE-SHOW STARTER.
BEFORE YOU GO START THIS IS A GREAT ICE BREAKER IN VINTAGE NEWS STYLE
& LETS THE PUNTERS KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.
“AHHH YES! ARE YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE READY TO BE ENTERTAINED? TONIGHT
YOU WILL BE ENTHRALLED BY THE WONDERS OF MODERN SCIENCE, LIGHTS THAT FLASH,
MUSIC THAT BEATS, & A DISC JOCKEY TYPE PERSON THAT ACTUALLY SPEAKS!
YES SPEAKS! WHILST WE WAIT FOR A FEW MORE PEOPLE TO TURN UP & GIVE
YOU A CHANCE TO PARTICIPATE IN CONVERSATION WE WILL KEEP THE GRAMOPHONIC
MUSIC AT A REASONABLE LEVEL. BUT GET READY FOR THE BIG SWITCH ON IT'S
COMING TO THIS ROOM IN A VERY SHORT TIME”. [:48]
BUFFET BREAKS
NOVEL WAYS OF GETTING INTO & OUT OF THE BUFFET BREAK.
16. TOON FOOD BREAK.
OVER A 'TOON' BACKING OF 'FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD'.
TOON VO 1"CHEESE & PINEAPPLE STICKS, HAM SANDWICHES, VEGETABLE
QUICHE, PRAWN VOL AU VONTS, CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS, LETTUCE, TOMATOES, FISH
BITS, EGG ROLLS, CRISPS, NUTS, SAUSAGES ON STICKS, TUNA SANDWICHES, RELISH,
GATEAUX, CHEESECAKE, PROFITTEROLES,
SAUSAGE ROLLS, SCOTCH EGGS, PORK PIES, CRUSTY BREAD” TOON 2 VO
“HEY EVERYONE! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY GUESSED THE BUFFET
IS NOW OPEN, SO HURRY ALONG BEFORE IT ALL DISAPPEARS”. [:20]
17. ROLF ANNOUNCES THE BUFFET.
“A LITTLE BIT OF SALMON, JUST A DASH OF RELISH, DUM DE DUM DUM,
ADD A BIT OF GATEAUX, HA HA, PLATE TO MIX IT ALL ON, ... CAN YOU GUESS
WHAT IT IS YET? YEH .. IT'S BUFFET TIME, GO ON HELP YOURSELVES,
& KIDS LOVE IT TOO!” [:13]
18. LLOYD GROSSMAN.
“SO WE'VE DELIBERATED, GURGERATED, & BASICALLY STUFFED
OURSELVES STUPID, SO LET US GET ON WITH THE PARTY, MR DJ - TAKE IT AWAY.”
[:13]
CLOSERS
A SUPERB WAY OF ENDING THE NIGHT.
19. THE SOAP CLOSER.
ONE OF THE LATE 70'S GREAT SOAPS UPDATED FOR DJ USE.
TONIGHT YOUR DJ PERFORMED BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE, WITHOUT ANY OVERDUBS
OR STUDIO EDITING. THE SOUND ENGINEER WAS THE DJ. THE MUSIC PROGRAMMING
WAS BY THE DJ. PRODUCTION ASSISTANT WAS THE DJ. PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO
THE DJ WAS THE DJ. IN FACT EVERY DAMN THING IS BEING DONE BY THE MAN OF
THE HOUR, THE DJ”. [1:03]
20. WILLIAM TELL CLOSER.
IN THE 50'S STYLE.
“YOU'VE JUST WITNESSED ANOTHER EPISODE IN GREAT ENTERTAINMENT,
JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK, SAME TIME, SAME CHANNEL, HI HO SILVER ........
AWAY!” [:39]
21. LOONEY TUNES ENDING.
A CLASSIC ENDING, SELF EXPLANATORY REALLY.
“YOU'VE JUST WITNESSED A F.F.F.FABULOUS SHOW, WE'LL
SEE YOU AGAIN SOON BUT FOR NOW .... THAT'S ALL FOLKS”. [:19]
22. LAS VEGAS STYLE VOICEOVER.
ELVIS PRESLEY AT VEGAS STYLE.
“LADIES & GENTLEMEN, BOYS & GIRLS, THE DJ HAS LEFT THE BUILDING”.
[:07]
23. LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY CLOSER.
UTILISING THE CLASSICAL MUSIC, THIS LEADS TO A VERY TONGUE IN CHEEK CLOSER.
“YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED A FINE PERFORMANCE BY THIS WONDERFUL DJ.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BOOK HIM FOR YOUR NEXT FUNCTION THEN HIS FEES ARE
EXTORTIONATE, HIS RELIABILITY INCONSISTENT & HIS PROFESSIONALISM IS
WELL ... QUESTIONABLE, & HAVE YOU SEEN THE COLOUR OF HIS PANTS? STILL
HE'S A NICE GUY & HE TRIES VERY HARD, SO GIVE HIM A BREAK 'OKAY'...GOODNIGHT”.
[1:56]
LINKS & BRIDGES
EFFECTIVE WAYS OF GETTING BETWEEN TRACKS, STARTING SETS, &
A 1000 OTHER USES.
24. “ARE YOU SITTING COMFORTABLY? GOOD, THEN I'LL BEGIN.”
[:06]
25. “THE UPDATED COMPLETE MUSIC PROGRAM”. [:48]
26. “SONG AFTER SONG, TRACK AFTER TRACK, HIT AFTER HIT, BACK TO
BACK”. [:05]
27. “& NOW....IT'S BACK TO THE MUSIC”. [:03]
28. “BEATS THUMPING, PEOPLE JUMPING, FINGER CLICKING, TONGUE LICKING,
BODIES SWAYING, CLASSIC MUSIC PLAYING”. [:14]
29. “THE MOST MUSIC (SFX) WITH NO FILLERS (EXIT SWEEP)”. [:04]
30. “TUNE IT IN, CRANK IT UP, RIP THE KNOB OFF!!!” [:09]
31. “HOT ROCKIN', NON STOPPIN, GET BLOWN AWAY, MUCH MORE MUSIC
ALL THE TIME”.[:06]
VENUE TRACKS
FOR BOTH DJ'S WHO WORK IN A PUBS & MOBILES WHO WANT TO ADD THAT
SOMETHING EXTRA TO THE COMMON ANNOUNCEMENTS.
HAPPY HOUR.
32. HAPPY HOUR MONTAGE. [:20]
33. PATHE' HAPPY HOUR. [:25]
LAST ORDERS.
34. ORGASMIC LAST ORDERS. [:17]
35. LAST ORDERS RIGHT NOW! [:16]
36. SEXY LAST ORDERS. [:19]
TIME AT THE BAR.
37. FUNERAL MARCH. [:38]
38. TOWN CRIER. [:25]
FINISH YOUR DRINKS.
39. FINISH YOUR DRINKS & RUN ALONG HOME. [:15]
40. FORMAL DRY ANNOUNCEMENT. [:25]
LEAVING THE VENUE.
41. PLEASE LEAVE QUIETLY. [:21]
42. KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.[:18]
SEXY VOICEOVERS
AS POPULAR AS EVER, THE SEXY INSERT!!!
43. “THEY CALL THIS DJ THE BIG MAN & I KNOW WHY (GIGGLE)”.
[:08]
44. “I WISH THIS DJ WOULD COME & MIX IT WITH ME”. [:05]
45. “CUT THE CRAP BIG BOY & PLAY ME A RECORD”. [:05]
46. “THE BEATS AT THE END ARE ALWAYS THE BEST BEATS”. [:04]
47. “IT JUST DON'T GET BETTER THAN THIS”.[:03]
48. “PUSH IT, WIGGLE IT, THEN STICK IT IN”.[:04]
49. “THE ONLY PLACE THAT I WANT TO LEAVE FLAT ON MY BACK”.
[:05]
DEEP VOICE DANCE DROPS
WATCH THOSE BASS BINS AS THESE DEEP VOICE INSERTS RESONATE YOUR WOOFERS.
50. “THE MAXIMUM BASS, RHYTHM, PUMPING IT TO THE MAX”. [:06]
52. “COMING IN HARD WITH THE WICKEDEST BEATS”. [:05]
53. “BACK WITH ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE BLOCK ROCKIN' BEATS”.
[:04]
54. “GET FUNKY & SHAKE IT LIKE A WHITE GIRL”. [:04]
55. “IT'S ALL GONE PETE TONG”. [:03]
56. “LARGIN' IT ON A FRIDAY NIGHT”. [:03]
57. “LARGIN' IT ON A SATURDAY NIGHT”. [:03]
58. “DOIN' THAT SWING THING IT DON'T GET BETTER THAN
THIS”. [:04]
59. “LET YOUR BODY BE FREE & SHAKE THAT ASS”. [:04]
60. “CLUBLAND, BASS, ROCK THE PLACE”.[:03]
61. “ESSENTIAL CHUNES WITH THE COOLEST CUTS”. [:04]
IMPRESSIONS
62. VICTOR MELDREW.
“MORE THUMP, THUMP, THUMP FROM THE DAMN DJ, I'D LIKE TO GIVE
HIM A THUMP, THUMP, THUMP”. [:07]
63. WINDSOR DAVIES.
“THE BUFFET IS NOW BEING SERVED, SO FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE &
HURRY UP, COME ON MOVE IT, MOVE IT!!” [:08]
64. PRINCE CHARLES.
“AS THE FUTURE KING OF ENGLAND, I DO HOPE THAT I WILL HAVE THIS
FABULOUS DISC JOCKEY CHAPPY AT MY CORONATION, BUT WHILE I WAIT FOR MOMMY
TO STEP DOWN, I DO HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY TONIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT”.
[:18]
65. ARKWRIGHT.
“GRANVILLE GO & GET THAT DJ FROM THE BAR IT'S TIME TO
START THE DISCO, & TELL HIM NOT TO MAKE IT SO BLOODY LOUD”.
[:08]
66. RONALD REAGAN.
A DJ NANCY, WHAT'S THAT? IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE DAMN RUSKIE
GUNS IS IT, NANCY? WHAT'S A DJ?” [:10]
67. SEAN CONNERY.
“THE DJ & I BOTH HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON, WE ARE BOTH PROFESSIONALS,
HIGHLY SKILLED IN OUR JOBS, & WE BOTH ATTRACT LOADS OF WOMEN...WELL
PERHAPS NOT IN THE DJ'S CASE. NOW MISS MONEYPENNY WHERE WAS I?”
[:15]
68. FRANK SPENCER.
“OOH LOOK JESSICA.. THE DJ'S DONE A WHOOPSY, HMMM.”
[:06].
69. DAVID ATTENBOROUGH.
“YES A FABULOUS CREATURE KNOWN AS A DISC JOCKEY, STILL POTENTIALLY
ABLE TO REPRODUCE WITH ONLY A 2” ORGAN.” [:11]
70. ALEC GUINESS.
“YOU CANNOT WIN DARTH, IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN I WILL BECOME MORE
POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE”. [:07]
71. LLOYD GROSSMAN.
“I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT”.
[:04]
72. PATRICK MOORE.
“I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN CONVINCED ABOUT THERE BEING LIFE ON
MARS, BUT AFTER SEEING THIS DJ PERFORM TONIGHT, IT PROVES THAT THE MOST
SIMPLE OF ORGANISMS CAN FUNCTION IN ALL MATTER OF ENVIRONMENTS”.
[:07]
COMEDY INSERTS
QUICKFIRE HUMOUR. GREAT WHEN USED IN THE RIGHT PLACES.
73. “I'VE NEVER SEEN A DEAD BODY OR A HUMAN NIPPLE. I SUPPOSE
THIS IS WHAT COMES OF LIVING IN A CUL-DE-SAC”. [:08]
74. “ESPECIALLY FOR TWINKLE TOES OUT THERE, THIS IS ON CD”.
[:04]
75. THE FAT SLAGS COMMENT ON THE DJ'S EXTENDED PLAY!!!! [:11]
76. “IF YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD, JUST WAIT UNTIL THE DJ GETS HERE”.
[:04]
77. “PROBABLY THE WORST DJ IN THE WORLD”. [:04]
78. “PROBABLY THE BEST DJ IN THE WORLD - NOT!!!!” [:04]
79. “PROBABLY THE BEST DJ IN THE WORLD - I DID SAY PROBABLY!”
[:05]
80. “YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE DJ WITH NO TASTE & JUST TO
PROVE IT, LISTEN TO THIS.” [:06]
81. “THE DJ WITH MORE BALLS THAN THE NATIONAL LOTTERY”. [:04]
82. “DJ WITH 12” SEX APPEAL IF YOU HAVE A MAGNIFYING GLASS”.
[:07]
83. “THE ONLY THING THIS DJ CAN SCRATCH IS HIS ARSE”. [:04]
84. “IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BOOK THIS MAN TO BE THE DJ AT YOU'RE
PARTY, THEN YOU REALLY ARE VERY SAD”. [:06]
85. COMEDY SFX MAN STRAINING ON TOILET. [:11]
THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
A PROFESSIONAL WAY OF LETTING PEOPLE KNOW THEIR FORTUNES &
A SPOOF DRAW TO ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF THEM.
86. “LADIES & GENTLEMEN TONIGHT'S NATIONAL LOTTERY NUMBERS
WILL FOLLOW THIS RECORD”. [:05]
87. “LADIES & GENTLEMEN WE INTERRUPT TONIGHT'S SHOW TO
BRING YOU THE NATIONAL LOTTERY NUMBERS”. [:05]
88. “LADIES & GENTLEMEN THESE ARE TONIGHT'S LOTTERY NUMBERS”.
[:05]
89. THE SPOOF LOTTERY DRAW OF MADE UP NUMBERS. [:19]
YEARCHECKS
DECADE & YEARCHECKS TO TAKE YOU TO THE MILLENNIUM.
90. “THE 1950'S”. [:02] 95. 1995. [:02[
91. “THE 1960'S”. [:02] 96. 1996. [:02]
92. “THE 1970'S”. [:02] 97. 1997. [:02]
93. “THE 1980'S”. [:02] 98. 1998. [:02]
94. “THE 1990'S”. [:02] 99. 1999. [:02]
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